


Grown-Up Orphans

by lit_chick08



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Canon, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-28
Updated: 2012-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-02 15:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lit_chick08/pseuds/lit_chick08
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Gilbert funeral and its aftermath</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grown-Up Orphans

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt: _it's all self-defeat; there's no poetry in this town_

Most of them have never been to a funeral before. 

Elena was too young to remember her grandparents' funerals, Tyler's older brother died of SIDS before he was even born, and the rest of them had never experienced any real loss beyond family pets.

Elena stands in the receiving line outside the church, Jeremy on one side of her, Jenna on the other, all of them following John's lead in accepting condolences. With every hand which clasps hers, with every brush of lips against her cheek, Elena feels her rage bubbling up, her frustration and anger and guilt fighting its way to the surface. She turns away and finds them standing on the sidewalk, patiently waiting.

It's unbearably humid today, the heat sweltering for May, and Elena can see the lines of sweat forming on Matt and Tyler's foreheads. Bonnie's hair is starting to frizz out of the bun she had gathered it into, and Caroline has already removed the shrug she wore over the single, funeral-appropriate black dress she owned.

Elena is dying in her own dress, her heels pinching her toes, and all she can think about is how she doesn't want to be here anymore. She doesn't want to hear the empty platitudes, the endless statements of her parents' god deeds, the thanks to God for sparing her; the idea of going to the reception is enough to make bile rise in her throat, and, when she lifts her hand to cover her mouth, she forgets there is a cast there and scrapes the skin of her chin with the rough material.

"I need to go," she blurts out when they are supposed to get into the car to go to Founders' Hall, the place of the reception, the only building in town large enough to accomodate the amount of mourners.

John looks like he wants to object, but Jenna quickly tells her it is fine if she needs a break. She has only taken three steps away from her aunt when she turns and asks Jeremy if he wants to come too. He nods instantly, falling into step beside her. She is almost startled to realize Jeremy is so much taller than she is now; he missed 8th grade graduation because they were picking out caskets, and all she can think about is how he's never going to be a kid again, not after this.

They pile into Tyler's SUV, Caroline perching on Bonnie's lap in the passenger's seat, Matt and Jeremy sitting beside her in the backseat; she hears the edge of hysteria in her voice as she orders Jeremy to buckle up. Matt helps her fasten herself in, and she instantly sags against his body, grateful for the way he holds her against him. He smells like the cologne she bought him for his birthday and she tears up as she remembers picking it out with her mother.

Tyler drives out to the back edge of his family's property, a field they use sometimes for parties when no one wants to go to the old cemetery. It takes twice as long to reach it because he makes a concerted effort not to cross any of the bridges over the Willow Creek, and Elena loves him a little for that. She can barely stand the sound of water in the shower; it makes her chest tight and her breathing short. The only reason she had been able to shower for the funeral was because Matt had come over earlier, had stood with her beneath the spray as she sobbed, carefully protecting her face from the water as he worked the shampoo through her hair, as he washed away a week's worth of fear and guilt from her skin.

Elena toes off her heels, an action repeated by Bonnie and Caroline, and she digs her toes into the earth, the earth which will soon cover her parents, the earth she is afraid she doesn't want to be apart of anyore. All of the boys shed their coats and ties, Jeremy and Tyler stripping down to their undershirts as the sun rises even higher in the sky. Tyler produces a worn blanket from the back of the car and spreads it out on the ground.

"And how many cheerleader have had sex on that?" Caroline asks, wrinkling her nose.

"Why, you offering?" Tyler quips.

It is beyong inappropriate given the tone of the day, but it sends Elena into a fit of laughter, which signals to the others that it's okay to laugh too. Caroline makes a show of putting Tyler's suit coat atop the blanket before she sits, primly keeping her knees together as she gracefully sinks to the ground; all Elena can think about is how her father used to say Caroline reminded him of an old Hollywood movie star, like Grace Kelly.

Her hair is sticking to the back of her neck, and Elena keeps lifting it away from her skin. Bonnie gathers it in her hands and offers to braid it for her; Elena sits still as Bonnie's gentle hands weave her hair into a perfect French braid, the way they have since elementary school. Her mother used to call Bonnie an "old soul," and Elena is grateful for her presence right now, for the calming, almost maternal energy Bonnie brings with her. She can't help but think of Bonnie's mother who left years ago, who went to visit her sister one weekend to never return again; Bonnie says she lives in New Orleans now with her new husband and new children, and it makes Elena so angry to think someone didn't want Bonnie. She has only been without her mother for 7 days, and already she feels like she is going to be lost for the rest of her life; she has a whole new respect for Bonnie.

She doesn't remember Matt's dad, but, then again, neither does Matt. Once, when they were in third grade, they found a picture of him in Kelly's room; he was wearing a shirt with the sleeves cut off, posing next to an antique car. Matt looks like him, and Elena knows how much that bothers him because he says it's like is mother is looking at a ghost sometimes. She always tells him how much she likes the way he looks, how he is not the kind of guy who would just leave his wife and kids, but Elena knows he's scared of becoming that guy. Once, she told her father that, and he had a long talk with Matt about what it meant to be a man. Outside of the family, Elena thinks Matt may have cried more about her parents' deaths than anyone else.

Her dad used to say that Tyler was trouble, but he always said it with a smile, like he was remembering his own childhood. When Elena had a crush on him in seventh grade, her mother had warned her that boys like Tyler Lockwood knew exactly how good-looking they were and you had to be careful with your heart when you were with them; but, as asinine as Tyler could be sometimes, he has also been incredibly sweet since the accident. That's the thing about Tyler: he always surprised you when you least expected it. Of all of her friends, he was the only who had not told her how sorry he was or offered to do anything; instead he had sat beside her and simply said, "This fucking sucks." It was the least eloquent thing anyone had said, and it was exactly what she had needed to hear at that moment.

She's more worried about Jeremy than herself. Her little brother has always been quiet and sensitive, and she fears this is going to send him so far into himself that they'll never reach him again. Already he has become more taciturn than he was before, and it terrifies her, the idea of losing Jeremy on top of everything else. They have always been close, have always been close to their parents; it is the cruelest of ironies, the idea that losing their parents could drive them further apart.

When Tyler produces a fifth of whiskey and a bag of pot, Elena knows she should say no, but she wants it, the oblivion it could offer. She winces as she takes a sip before passing it to Matt, who does the same. When the bottle reaches Jeremy, Elena feels like she should protest; he's only 14, after all, and it's her job to look out for her little brother. 

But the words stick in her throat because he's hurting too, and today of all days that pain overrides commonsense. The sweet scent of the pot tickles Elena's nose, and she tries to remember the last time she got high; unlike Tyler and Care, she has never much cared for drugs, but she could use it, the warm tingle of the chemicals in her blood.

Bonnie and Matt both pass when the bowl reaches them, and Elena makes a noise of objection when Tyler shows Jeremy how to take a hit; Jeremy ignores her but Tyler assures her, "Don't worry, Elena. It's just pot."

In the past, whenever she's smoked, it has made her giggle and more than a little horny; now, when she opens her mouth, she startles herself by crying. It's loud and unbearable to her own ears, but she cannot stop it now. She is sobbing, almost inhuman wails coming from her body, and Elena feels like her body is being ripped apart by her grief.

Matt pulls her into his lap, and she buries her face in his shoulder, trying to stifle herself, horribly embarrassed but unable to stop herself. She feels arms slip around her from behind, and, when she catches the scent of cinnamon, she knows it is Bonnie, whose own warm tears fall onto her skin. Within a moment, Caroline is there, too, whimpering, and then there is Tyler and Jeremy, holding them all, a pile of six bound together by all they have lost, orphaned by wet roads and worn tires.

"What's going to happen to our family?" Elena cries against Matt's skin, not even seeking an answer, just needing to voice her greatest fear.

" _We're_ a family," Caroline answers, her words catching.

It is Tyler who finishes her thought. "It's not like any of us have awesome families to go home to. I'd rather have you guys anyway."

For the rest of her life, Elena will remember this moment and how much love she felt surrounding her, how much love she had for the five people wrapped around her.

In the car on the way back to town, Tyler starts to turn towards the road which will take them around the creek when Elena says, "You can take the bridge if you want."

As Matt kisses the top of her head, Elena is certain she will be okay as long as she has the people in the car beside her.


End file.
